This Is Not A Political Post, Right!?…

17 05 2012

Last Christmas, while doing the obligatory round of festive socialising and seasonal drinking, I found myself having a conversation with a United States army soldier. From California, based in Germany and with at least one tour in Iraq under his belt, he enquired, as many less informed than he do, about the set of military dog-tags that I wear around my neck.

“Well, you’ve heard of Bowe Bergdahl, right?” I replied expectantly, intending it to be a rhetorical question.

I was met with a vacant look, astonishing me and indicating rather clearly, that this guy had absolutely no recognition of the name.

Bowe Bergdahl is a 26-year-old US army soldier from Hailey, Idaho. On June 30th 2009, in Eastern Afghanistan, he was captured by the Taliban-supporting Haqqani network. His version of the story says he fell behind on patrol. The Taliban version says he was ambushed while drunk off base. Regardless, today, three years later and in a pitiful display of the lack of burden his POW status weighs on the shoulders of the United States military, Bowe remains the only US soldier in captivity.

Bowe (front right) in Afghanistan a month before his capture, May 2009.

I can’t recall an exact moment I first learned of Bergdahl. But I can recall being struck by his story. This kid is just a little older than me, I thought. From a small town in Idaho, Bowe was just a young guy with his whole life ahead of him. He was raised by his religious parents alongside an older sister, Sky. He was described by friends as thoughtful, well-read and athletic with a talent for shooting and a love of skiing and martial arts. He had travelled Europe and worked at a local coffee shop in his hometown. He was just like any other young guy really. Everything about him was relatable. A son, a brother, a nephew. I found myself recognizing elements of my loved ones in him.

Bergdahl, in uniform, before his deployment.

In 2008, ready for a career and without telling his parents, he enlisted in the army. He was placed in First Battalion, 501st Parachute Infantry Regiment, Fourth Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division in Fort Richardson, Alaska. He deployed to Afghanistan in early 2009 as a machine gunner. His parents recall emails from their son, seemingly happy, describing the beauty of the country and the wonderful people.

On the morning following his disappearance Bowe was absent from roll-call at his outpost. Panic ensued as tracking dogs were sent into the surrounding area to locate him. Drones were also sortied in a vain bid to recover the missing soldier. Of course, they found diddly squat. Documents exposed on WikiLeaks in the aftermath of the incident, translate intercepted radio transmissions from the Taliban dated July 1st 2009, the day after Bowe’s disappearance. In the transcript, one voice apparently says, “I think he is a big shot. That’s why they are looking for him.” The second voice replies, “Can you make a video and announce it all over Afghanistan that we have one of the Americans?”. He is told that the video has already been made.

In the few years since his capture, the Taliban have released five videos of Bergdahl. One showed the American, bald and cross-legged on the floor, eating fruit. Another showed him in a pale shirt, noticeably thin and standing alongside a bearded middle-eastern man. As much as each video was riddled with propaganda, featuring Bowe, timid and obviously scared, deeming the war as “not worth the waste of life that it has caused both Afghanistan and the US.”, they also came as relieving proof that he was still alive and as such, were received with gratitude by those who cared.

Probably the most heart-breaking video, released in 2010 and presumably recorded in Pakistan, presented Bowe, wearing an army jacket, describing his life before his imprisonment and making a desperate plea for his freedom. He talked about his family and repented over not letting them know how much he loved them when he had the chance. “I love my family,” he said. “I haven’t shown it very well because, well, I’ve been pretty lost in my life and I don’t think I’ve given my family the love they’ve given me. But I love my family and I pray to God to see them again.” Described by his mother as, “the hardest video to take.” It was almost spine-chilling to watch.

 

In May of 2011, after almost two years of dignified silence, Bowe’s father, Robert Bergdahl released his own heart-breaking video. Stoic and composed, he spoke to his son’s captors, commiserating over their losses in the conflict and, astoundingly, thanking them for keeping Bowe safe. The video was affecting, not least for Robert’s grief-stricken message to his son.

I pray that this video be shown to our only son. God bless you. We love you. We’ve been quiet in public but we haven’t been quiet behind the scenes. Continue to be patient and kind to those around you. You’re not forgotten. You are not forgotten.”

Last year I ordered a set of dog-tags. Stainless steel and encased in red, rubber silencers, one reads my details. The other reads as follows:

SGT. BOWE. R BERGDAHL.

06/30/2009

POW

AFGHANISTAN

The tags are not part of some political stance or even a means to try and convince myself that I’m making a difference. I’m not dumb. I don’t know this guy. He doesn’t know me. We’ve never met. I’d be very surprised if the news of some chick in Ireland wearing dog tags provoked the Taliban to reconsider the whole thing.

I guess I’m just attracted to the sentimentality of the idea that as long as this kid is alive, alone and thousands of miles from home in the hands of a terrorist organisation, at the very least it’s nice to think that someone, somewhere, keeps him in their thoughts. That’s all.

Bowe, here in an old family photo, describes his love for motorcycles in one of the released videos.

Like many, I’ve long been disappointed by the apparent lack of action from the United States to secure the freedom of their M.I.A. Regardless of the various different counts of the circumstances of his capture, Bowe is a Prisoner of War. He was kidnapped whilst in Afghanistan serving his country. And his country seems to have just left him there, attempting to make words speak louder than action.

I am signed up for Google Alerts on Bowe. It means that every afternoon, I receive an email with an assortment of links forwarding me to any recent mentions of his name online. I originally signed up in the hope that someday I’d receive notification of his release. Alas it hasn’t happened yet. As much as my breath is baited for good news, I am, instead, greeted with a daily plethora of links to stories summarising stalled talks between the US and the Taliban and word of remembrance events across the States.  The display of ignorance on the part of the American soldier at Christmas solidified my belief that Bowe Bergdahl, if not completely unknown to most, is viewed as just a tiny piece in a conflict much bigger than himself, and, certainly, just a small fish to fry in the eyes of the Obama administration.

Bowe, thin and anxious-looking in another propaganda video

Having said that, after a mild flurry of interest last year, when word spread that Bowe had escaped and spent three days on the run (apparently “fighting like a boxer” when he was found), awareness is on the rise again. This week, his parents have come forward in an effort to try and push the government into doing more to bring their son home. They revealed that secret talks between the US and the Taliban were recently brought to a standstill by the opposing side. The deal would have seen the transfer of five Taliban prisoners from Guantanamo Bay to Qatar under conditions of house arrest in exchange for the release of Bergdahl to the United States military. The Taliban rejected conditions of the deal and, in essence, walked away.

Five for one perhaps doesn’t sound like the fairest deal going but the bottom line is that as long as they hold an American citizen, the Taliban has leverage. While his captors might lack the sentiment that their Western opposition places on the lives of it’s soldiers, they’re not blind to it’s importance in this exchange. America wants Bowe back. The Taliban know that and it’s for that very reason that he remains alive today.

Speaking out last week, Bowe’s father, Robert, who has learned the Pashto language in order to communicate with Taliban members, said that he believed he was in email contact with an Afghan man who has information on his son. In reference to him and his wife’s growing frustration at the slow progess, he said, “we don’t have faith in the U.S. government being able to reconcile this. You don’t leave something like this to Government officials. Why wouldn’t a father do this? This is my job.”

The Government, however, is adamant that it is exhausting every possibility to secure Bowe’s release. Spokesman for the Defense Department, George Little said, “finding Bowe Bergdahl is a top priority, and we will not stop searching for ways to return him to his family and country.”

Another official said that as much as an exchange may sound like a straight-forward means to an end, “We’re not talking about real nice guys out there who are willing to let Sergeant Bergdahl walk.”

A poster of Bowe sits on display at the Defense Department Central Command Center in an apparent show of dedication from the US.

Regardless of the conditions under which he gets returned, the reprise in awareness of Bowe’s saga comes at a tricky time and brings with it a sense of urgency for two reasons, the first being the obvious. The 2012 Presidential Election in November. Bowe’s capture, imprisonment and attempted release negotiations have all happened under Obama’s presidency. Aside from the obvious fact that there’s a chance he may not get a second term in the Oval office thus throwing the proverbial spanner very much in the works, in the run up to the election, Obama is being careful. The last thing he needs is controversy. He doesn’t want to be seen to be entertaining the demands of terrorists. The second reason is the imminent withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan by 2014. Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan has been ongoing for over 10 years now and is largely known as “the forgotten war”. Public interest had gradually faded and global focus has changed. The withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan can only serve to heighten ignorance on Bowe Bergdahl’s plight.

Every day I want to go home. The pain in my heart to see my family again doesn’t get any smaller. Release me. Please. Bring me home. Please. Bring me home.”

One can only hope that the candour of Bowe’s loved ones and the consequent revival of public concern will push those who need to act into action to secure his safe return to the United States. I’m still waiting on the Google Alert in my inbox in the hope that I can, someday soon, put my dog tags into an envelope and send them to him in Hailey, Idaho.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bring-Bowe-Bergdahl-Home/105831760749





Mass… It’s Quare Boring, No?

20 01 2012

Sooooooo, watch out! I’m not tryna be PC here. I’m just tryna be funny… Mmmmkay?

There are three main types of people in Catholic Ireland:

– Those that come from a good Catholic family and who have been in a pew in the church every Saturday night for as long as any of us can remember. The dad regularly gives out the communion. The granny has keys to the chapel. For this family, mass is still a social event and thus, they still make a bit of an effort, sporting their “good” clothes and the FULL make-up.  They also all have their own individual set of rosary beads. They bring them to the blessing of the graves for the Rosary valya.

– Those that come from a family that tries to be a good Catholic family and can be seen at mass every now and again, the mother takes occasional notions and decides to go to confessions. This family mostly still goes to mass so that they don’t get excluded from more important community things like football or The Legion of Mary. Although they’re not always at mass, they always pay their dues and the dad does the collection sometimes.

– Those that come from a family that doesn’t even try to be good Catholics. They don’t even get the envelopes for the dues anymore. This family is never at mass except for those few select occasions where if you don’t go to mass you’re for sure going to hell. Like Christmas, for example or Good Friday. But that’s fine because when they do go to mass, they just talk the whole way through the sermon and watch the clock. They’re not sure that God even exists but they still feel like they should go to mass now and again juuuuuust in case. They usually go straight to the pub after a long one.

I come from the third type of Catholic family, I’m afraid. For a while I was thinking I came from the second coz my mam, in fairness, does like to try. She’d be lighting candles for people doing their driving test and shit like that. But I couldn’t lump us all in there based on the actions of the matriarch. The rest of us make absolutely no effort whatsoever to ensure passage to heaven. We mostly prefer smut and offensive humour. I mean, it’s pretty hard to like, not sin ever.

It’s just that mass is so feckin’ boring. It wasn’t so bad about two years ago. We had a priest who obviously shared the opinion of mass being horrid long and tedious. He’d get ya in and out in around half an hour, skip the offerance of the sign of peace (my most loathe part of the whole thing) and not bother hangin’ around after for small talk with the local old ladies. Last Christmas he outdid himself when he said a mass in 15 minutes flat. His justification was that the roads were very icy and people needed to just be at home. Shhyeah, whatever! No need to apologize Father… Right, pub?

I had a discussion with a friend a while back about mass. This person comes from our first category up there. They’re at mass every week without fail. So like, they know their holy shit. We were talking about how insanely crummy it is going to mass and trying to come up with ways to make it fun. We weren’t making a mockery out of the Catholic religion, we were just trying to bring it into the 21st century.

BIG SCREENS

I’m always disappointed when I go to a concert and there’s no big screens. Sure ya need them to see what’s a haps on the stage. It’s the same with mass… Kind of.. Just, hear me out right. The chapel is always packed at Christmas (I don’t have a lot of examples to go on here) and we always arrive late. It can be tricky enough aul craic trying to find a pew. You might find one and yiz go about filing into it as people shuffle down but then find that three of yiz aren’t gonna fit. Daaaaaaamn, reverse, back-up, we’ll just stand at the back, see yiz after. But then aswell, there’s always better music at the Christmas mass. Problem is though, I never have any notion where the French it’s coming from and it’s bad manners to be twisting and tryna look all round ya at mass. If the church had big screens either side of the altar then we’d be able to settle comfortably at the back without having to worry about not being able to see Gerry McPaddyface’s reactions as he recites the 2nd reading from the Book of Isiah to the Christians or whatever. They could show the musicians on the screens so you could identify who’s doing the singing. Also, the screens could be used for like, advertising purposes. I’m not tryna commercialise mass here yo, but you could at least display the community announcements up there, you know, who won the GAA Lotto this week, what time the car boot sale will be on at on Sunday, who’ next weeks mass will be said for, that kind of thing. It’d eliminate the need for the leaflet and thus, save both paper and precious trees (Catholicism: Doing it’s part for the environment since 2012!).

COMFIER SEATING

Now, I’m not dissing the pew. The pew is… functional. You can fit like six thousand people on one of those things if everyone shuffles a little bit. But, let’s be honest, the pew is not the most comfortable seat ever. It’s cold and hard and flat and that’s tough on the butt when you’re on it for the guts of an hour. The solution? Recliners baby! How awesome would that be?! I mean, sure you’d fit less people in, but the chapel is never full anyways. The only time it poses a problem is for the special occasion masses, but don’t worry, I’ve got the answer for that too! Ticket the special masses! The church wants money off us every time we go to mass anyway, so maybe we’d give more willingly if we thought we were “buying a ticket” instead of just handing over. They could make a ton of money doing that. You could book your seat online, pay in advance. It’d be exclusive.

WEBSITE

http://www.yourlocalareamass.com

Don’t try click on that. It’s not a real link. But what I’m saying is, if mass had a website…. That’d be cool.

You could log on and see what readings are gonna be on, who the celebrity guest is gonna be (see below). It could have photo galleries called things like, “Arriving For Mass – 24th November” or “Christmas Mass Spectacular 2011”. It could have profiles for the priest and the acrobats (um, see below also). It’d just be wild handy. People would be able to plan better. Like, “No, I can’t go out ’till later ‘coz I saw on the mass website that Mickey Joe Harte’s gonna be giving out the communion tonight.” 

REFRESHMENT SERVICE

I don’t mean like in the cinema or something. I’m not suggesting that we’re served nachos and Fanta during mass. But like, it’d be nice if there was ladies going around serving tea (and scones). No priest anywhere in this country can argue with tea (and scones). It’s only natural. You know what I mean though? Like who’s gonna give out to ya for having a wee cup of tea (and a wee scone)?! No-one is! Coz it’s just never inappropriate.

ACROBATS

Imagine this. You’ve bought your ticket to mass. You’re in you’re recliner. You’ve got a cup of tea (and a scone). You’re ready to go. Suddenly, the lights go down, the generic holy background music stops, as does the chatter of the mass-goers and then… ACROBATS APPEAR ABOVE YOU ACTING OUT TODAYS READING IN A SPECTACULAR DISPLAY OF STRENGTH, AGILITY AND GRACE! Yeah, this is why you’re a Catholic.

CELEBRITY GUEST APPEARANCES

It doesn’t even have to be anyone super famous or anything. Just like,

Today’s guest Holy Communion Hander Outer, fresh from his third place finish in the X-Factor four years ago…… It’s Eoghan Quigg!!!!

And then Eoghan comes out, waving and smiling, his favourite hymn blasts out of the speakers. Cameras flash. People applaud. And then he helps hand out the communion.

Or like,

The Reading from the prophet Jeremiah will be read, via satellite, by Samuel L. Jackson

That’d be awesome.

LANGUAGE UPDATE

A Reading from the Book of Genesis: “The Lord God said, “It is not good that man should live alone. I will make him a helpmate”. So from the soil the Lord fashioned all the wild beasts and all the birds of heaven. These he brought to the man to see what he would call them; each one was to bear the name the man would give. The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of heaven and all the wild beasts. But no helpmate suitable for man was found for him, so the Lord made the man fall into a deep sleep. And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and enclosed it in flesh. The Lord God built the rib he had taken from the man into a woman, and brought her to the man.”

Becomes…

“God was like, “It’s weird that a dude lives by himself. I’ll make him a chick. So, from muck, Lord made all the animals. But he wasn’t sure what to call ’em. He asked man what to call ’em and yer man gave ’em all names. But none of ’em were good enough to be mans chick. So Lord knocked man the fck out. Then he broke one of his ribs and wrapped it in flesh (gross). Lord, basically, built a woman out of it and brought it to Man.”

I understand it better…

 

Look, these are tough times. People have very little. Some only have their faith. And your faith needs you. It just needs to like, try harder.

But you know, these are just ideas. I’m just throwing ’em out there. But c’mon, you know you’d go to mass more often if they were implemented! I DEFINITELY would! Like, acrobats, are you kidding me?! It’d be so awesome!!

Mr Pope sir, if you’re reading this, I mean, they’re open to interpretation. I’m available to talk about introducing them to masses around the country. Soooo, you know, page me…